I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
