you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
