I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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