Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
