girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize