And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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