matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
