I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
