Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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