Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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