Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
