i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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