He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
