dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
