You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
