Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
