Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
