I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
