My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
