did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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