Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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