I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
