Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
