can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
