capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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