I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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