does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
