We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
