walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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