Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do herpes really smell.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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