White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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