i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
