Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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