she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
