Umm I'm too high to move.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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