Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
