2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
