she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
