You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
