just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
