so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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