Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
