There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
