apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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