You made me cry and you don't even care
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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