Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
