Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
