Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
