i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
