I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
