New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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