evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
