Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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