So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
