Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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