real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize