Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
