I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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