hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
