We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
