so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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