and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
