we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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