Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
