I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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