I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
