and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize