i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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