i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
