we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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