alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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